


said the sun to the moon

by rosestrider



Category: Star Wars: Jedi: Fallen Order (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Drug Use, Gen, Morally Ambiguous Character, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, au where trilla survives nur
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:07:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21621460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosestrider/pseuds/rosestrider
Summary: it hurts, physically hurts, and the agony is so unbearable she feels like she could scream. everything snaps back when she hears the sound of a third lightsaber igniting behind her.“avenge us!” she yells, but it isn’t enough.sort of a post-canon fix it where trilla survives nur and... well yeah they go from therealso future merrin/trilla!! because they make me soft
Relationships: Cal Kestis & Merrin, Cal Kestis & Trilla Suduri, Cere Junda & Cal Kestis, Cere Junda & Trilla Suduri, Merrin/Trilla Suduri
Comments: 4
Kudos: 59





	said the sun to the moon

“I’ve carried so much hate for you.”

Nothing. From either of them. All she can hear are the dull hum of their lightsabers. There’s so much more she wants to say to Cere, she wants to scream and shout and cry and hit her but where does she start? She opens her mouth, but before she speaks—

The doors far behind her open, and she can hear the loud, echoing footsteps of boots on metal. Every hair on her body stands up and the heat leaves her body. Her breathing becomes erratic and she can feel hot, wet tears slowly making their way down her cheek. The footsteps stop. He’s directly behind her, now. She can feel his breath ever so slightly against the back of her neck. Everything goes silent for a moment. She’s going to die. This is the end. He says something, she thinks, and so do Cere and the Jedi boy. Nothing gets through to her, though. She’s reliving every painful moment she’s had to endure throughout her life. It hurts, physically hurts, and the agony is so unbearable she feels like she could scream. Everything snaps back when she hears the sound of a third lightsaber igniting behind her.

“Avenge us!” She yells, but it isn’t enough.

-

She’s awake, she’s screaming, in complete darkness. Everything feels like it’s closing in around her, and she hits her hand against the wall so hard she’s worried she may have broken it. She reaches for her lightsaber, but before she can ignite it to protect herself she feels something, pulling her in and embracing her, rocking her gently. She can’t tell who it is, it’s too dark and everything’s fuzzy.

It takes her a long time to calm down. She’s crying, like she was in the dream. Hot against the cool air of the Mantis. When she does, she’s too tired to move anymore, but she doesn’t want to sleep. She clings on as hard as she can to the waking world, but eventually she slips back into darkness.

She doesn’t dream this time. When she wakes up, her back burns, and although it’s nothing she isn’t used to, it feels raw and it stings and after what she’s been through it’s unbearable. There’s a light coming from the kitchen. She thinks it’s the kitchen, anyway. She wasn’t conscious when she was brought onto the ship. Perhaps she can find something there. She slowly pulls herself up, and she’s hit with a hot, searing pain. She grits her teeth and rests against the wall when she loses her balance. It takes a while for her head to stop spinning, but she makes her way down the hallway. Before she finally steps forward she starts thinking. What if it’s Cere in the kitchen? She asks herself. What would I say? What would SHE say? I can’t talk to her yet, I CAN’T talk to her yet. She stumbles forward, hoping to make this as quick as possible, but she’s almost knocked off of her feet. By the Jedi boy. Cal. They stare at each other for a while.

“...Oh.” He whispers. Trilla opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. What do I say? She asks herself. After another moment of silence he steps aside for her. She tries to keep herself straight when she walks into the main area of the Mantis, but the pain in her back is too much and she’s dizzy again and before she knows it she’s being held up by Cal. He helps her into a chair.  
“Stay here a second.” He mumbles. He’s quiet. She guesses everyone else is asleep. Her eyes follow him towards the front of the ship and she can see someone else, the pilot most definitely, and the droid that follows Cal around. It’s still very blurry, and the only active light is the lamp in the kitchen, so she can’t see what’s going on very well. When he comes back he’s holding a small green canister, which he then stabs into Trilla’s back. For just a second there’s another sharp pain, then all of a sudden it subsides. Everything subsides. Her back is numb but she almost feels… Rejuvenated in a way. Not enough for an injury of this caliber, but enough for now.  
“Stim canisters… Where did you get these?” She asks him. She hadn’t realised how raw her voice sounded. She must’ve screamed so hard when she woke up that she damaged her voice.  
“Ever since Bracca I’ve been sorta… Stockpiling.” She can hear a touch of shame in his voice. What does that mean? She considers asking, but… Something tells her that asking such an intimate question might not bode well for either of them. So, for a little while they sit in silence. Cal pours them both a drink of water and they drink it. In silence.

Trilla decides to speak after a while. “It feels claustrophobic in here.”  
“Yeah.” He replies. The conversation feels stagnant.  
“...That was...”  
“My bed. The one you woke up in. Didn’t feel right, leaving you on the floor or in here.”  
She realises she’s not good at making small talk. She realises she can’t remember the last time she had an actual conversation with someone. She realises she can’t look at him properly, because she gets so angry when she does. She doesn’t know why. She focuses on the unwashed dishes piled up in the sink.  
“So where did you sleep?” she asks.  
“...I didn’t.”  
She glances at him again, quickly, because she doesn’t want to look at him really, but she does notice the bags under his eyes. She feels her throat tighten. “So… Was that you? When I woke up?”  
He shakes his head. “I was outside when it happened. We made a pitstop, so I went out.” He swirls the water around in his glass. “Merrin told me about it, though. Said you almost hit her in the throat.”

Trilla lets the words sit for a bit. She takes a sip of water.  
“The Dathomirian girl... Why?”  
“Yeah, her. She’d been sorta looking after us all after what happened at the Fortress. Said you woke her up.”  
It’s quiet again for a moment, then he seems to realise something.  
“Wait, how do you know about Merrin?”  
Trilla goes to take another sip of water, but her glass is empty. She pushes herself up and hobbles over to pour another cup.  
“I was tracking you. How do you think I found you on Bogano?”  
“...Huh.” is all he says. She takes another sip of her water, but her throat still feels horrid. The room feels like it’s closing in on her, there isn’t enough room for her here.  
“Where are we going, and how long are we going to take?” she asks, perhaps a little too urgently.  
“We were going to Bogano, but… That felt wrong. We’re not safe there right now. There aren’t many places we can go, actually, but you’re gonna need medical attention. We’ve considered a few, but we’re gonna land on Ilum and go from there. We land in a couple of hours.”

Ilum. A bleak, snowy planet in the Unknown Regions. A sacred place for the Jedi, known for the Kyber crystals that grow deep within its caves. Trilla had been there when she was a Padawan, though not for long. Cere was a seeker, so her work sent her all over the galaxy, and that meant that Trilla went with her. She didn’t care for the place, it was cold and unforgiving and although she understood what it meant to the Jedi she felt nothing for the planet. Even so, the sense of familiarity put her at ease.

“Get some rest.” Cal says.  
“No.” She blurts out, without even thinking. “...No. I’m not tired.”  
“Fine. If you won’t, then I will. C’mon, BD.”  
The droid’s little feet make little ‘tap-tap-tap’s against the floor of the ship as it makes its way towards Cal, and they make their way to his chambers. Trilla decides to just wait the rest of the journey out, and before she pours herself another drink she glances back up at them.

She notices Cal clutching his side as he steps into the hallway.


End file.
